


Roll the Dice, Weather the Storm

by cedarbranch



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Characters Play Dungeons & Dragons, Dungeons & Dragons Elements, Family Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, you know what they say: d&d is better than therapy!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cedarbranch/pseuds/cedarbranch
Summary: Everyone has their own coping mechanism in the Shatterdome. For some, it's Dungeons & Dragons.
Relationships: Newton Geiszler & Caitlin Lightcap, Newton Geiszler & Hermann Gottlieb, Newton Geiszler & Mako Mori, Tendo Choi & Newton Geiszler
Kudos: 12





	Roll the Dice, Weather the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> *griffin mcelroy voice* i think the shatterdome gang should play d&d!

Two months after Knifehead falls to Gipsy Danger, Newt Geiszler knocks on Caitlin Lightcap’s door. It is two in the morning. She is not asleep.

As soon as she pulls the door open, Newt says, “Remember when we used to play D&D?”

Lightcap pulls the toothbrush out of her mouth. “Yeah,” she says with a mouthful of toothpaste. “Why?”

“I think we should do that again.”

Over the next few days, Newt rounds up Mako, who is all too excited at the opportunity to do something fun for once, Tendo, who is not psyched about the idea of reinstating his dungeon master duties on top of his LOCCENT work, and Hermann, who is under the impression that he can refuse to play.

It takes a while for them all to find a time when they’re available, but Newt succeeds in herding everyone into a semi-clean section of the lab, and there they are. “Does everybody have dice?” he asks. 

Hermann sighs. “I’ve told you, Newton, I have no interest in—”

“No worries, I’ve got extras.” Newt tosses a spare dice pouch at Hermann, who lets it fall to the floor with a clunk. “Don’t worry about the rules, you’ll learn as you go. Just stay in character, and roll your dice to figure out what you do and how well you do it. You brought a character sheet, right?”

Hermann glares at him. Newt is unfazed. “That’s okay, we can make you a character now.”

“I still need to make mine as well,” Mako pipes up.

“Couldn’t you have done this before?” Tendo complains.

Newt starts rolling dice for Hermann, and Mako rolls for herself. They assign ability scores and feats. Hermann’s character has an off the charts intelligence stat, of course, and a super low charisma because, hello, it’s Hermann. 

“Your guy can be…” Newt squints. “An elf, maybe? Half-elf?”

“I’m an elf,” says Mako. “We shouldn’t have more than one.”

“Okay, let’s just say human then. And let’s make him… hmm. A cleric, maybe?”

“Monk?” Lightcap suggests.

“Or a wizard!” Newt says, snapping his fingers. “You get your magic from studying. That’s gotta be it. What do you think, Hermann?”

Hermann heaves a sigh. “I suppose if I have no other choice, I’d prefer the wizard.”

“Awesome! Now he just needs a name. Are we thinking something super high-fantasy-sounding, something plain, something dumb… Or,” Newt’s face splits into a grin, “Something super German, which would be hilarious. Can we name him Johann?”

Hermann just looks at him.

“You have gotta be more talky if you’re gonna get any good at roleplaying, dude. Let’s say his name is Johann Kaiser and leave it at that. What about you?” Newt turns to Mako. “What’s your elf like?”

“My name is Chihiro,” Mako says proudly. “I am an elf paladin with long black hair and green eyes. My patron is Helm, god of guardians and protection, and I have a really cool sword.”

“Sick! What about you, Cait?”

“I’m a dragon-born barbarian man,” says Lightcap, rifling through her notes. “I go by Grendel. I was raised by dragons, and I have a thing about hoarding gold. I’m lawful neutral, so I technically do have a moral code, but it’s all about the gold, really.”

“Oh, I am lawful good, I forgot to say that,” Mako adds. 

“Sick,” Newt says brightly. “Last but not least, then, my character is a tiefling bard named Dominic Asgard, and I play the electric guitar.”

Tendo wrinkles his nose. “You’re a tiefling and your name is Dominic?”

“Yup,” Newt says.

There is no explanation because there does not need to be one. 

“Can we get started, then?” Tendo asks. “Everybody had their bathroom break, snacks, etcetera?” They all nod. 

“If a kaiju attacks during the session, we’ll roll for initiative,” Newt adds.

“Shut up,” says Tendo. He sets up his DM screen and clicks on the music: a jaunty, medieval-sounding jig underscored with laughter and the scrape of chairs against a stone floor. “Welcome to Faerun, adventurers,” he says. 

_Dominic is the first to sweep into the tavern. “What’s up, fuckers?” he says to the open room. Nobody bats an eyelid. The only one who seems to notice his presence is the barmaid, who rolls her eyes as subtly as she can and turns to fill a pint with ale._

_”Aw, come on, that was a good entrance,” says Dominic. Behind him, the door swings open once more, and someone bumps into him._

_”Sorry,” says a gruff voice. “Didn’t see you there.” Dominic turns around. Looming over him is a hulking dragon-born, six and a half feet tall, with massive fangs protruding from his lower lip. His scales are copper-green, and a battleaxe is strapped to his chest._

_Dominic winks at him. “No worries, you’ve seen me now,” he says._

“Nope,” Tendo interrupts. “You are not going to play the character that tries to seduce anything that moves, I’m not allowing it.”

“I’ve had two lines in this entire game so far, give me a break!” Newt protests. 

“Yeah, and I’m cutting you off now. No seduction attempts or I’ll have you rolling with disadvantage.” 

Newt huffs, while Mako giggles into her hands. Hermann just looks bemused.

_”No worries, man, it’s cool,” says Dominic, stepping aside. “And who might you be?”_

_”Grendel of the High Mountain,” the dragon-born grunts._

“Is that seriously your character voice?” Newt asks Lightcap. “Because if so, I love it.”

Mako shushes him.

_The door swings open to reveal a third party. An elven woman skips inside. At the sight of Dominic, her eyes light up, and she waves. “Hello!” she says. “Are you here because of the advertisement as well?”_

_”You bet I am,” Dominic says, grinning at her. “What’s up, Chihiro? It’s been a while.”_

_”Too long,” the elf says graciously. She gives him a small bow. “I have just returned from Astoria. If you aren’t too busy, I have a great many stories to share.”_

_”Not busy at all, my friend, at least until our employer shows up,” says Dominic._

_Grendel looks down at the two of them, slitted eyes narrowing. “Who is this employer?” he asks._

_”We do not know yet! There was a listing posted for a group of adventurers,” Chihiro says. “It requested that any interested parties gather here.”_

_”Is there compensation involved?” Grendel asks, a glint in his eye._

_”Oh, surely,” Chihiro says eagerly. “How good it will be, I cannot say, but anyone seeking to hire an adventurer would know that their efforts do not come without a price.”_

_The door opens once more. A human man dressed in long robes steps through. He stares at them all._

“Come on, man, you gotta say something,” Newt says, nudging Hermann.

Hermann grimaces. “I don’t have to do a voice, do I?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

_The man coughs. “My name is… Johann,” he says, uncertain. “It’s a pleasure to meet you?”_

“Oh, this is going to be so fucking good,” Newt murmurs to himself.

***

Their campaign is chaotic in the best possibly way. They’re all super smart and super nerdy, and _most_ of them get really into the roleplaying, which makes for the best kind of player dynamic. By the time the first three sessions are over, they’ve accidentally destroyed a tavern, purposefully destroyed a watchtower, and, in Grendel’s case, made an ominous pact with a local cult in exchange for a protection spell. 

Newt hasn’t had this much fun in a long time. It’s a welcome distraction, a chance to dip into an escapist fantasy where the greatest danger is having to create a new character—and when all else fails, you’ve got magic on your side. Also, it means he gets to hang out with his friends more often, which is great. Mako’s getting older, so she hasn’t been kicking around in the lab as much lately, but when she’s playing, she becomes less like the too-serious teenager she’s become and more like the kid Newt first met when Pentecost picked her up in Japan. 

Of course, it doesn’t last forever. 

It’s late 2020 when Thunderhead attacks. Newt runs straight for the drivesuit room, Hermann lagging behind him. It’s a flurry of activity, techs scurrying all over the place, Tendo swiping furiously through the holographic monitors up front. 

Lightcap is already suited up. She knocks him on the shoulder as he stumbles up to her. “Easy, soldier,” she says with a grin. “They haven’t delivered the kaiju samples quite yet.”

“Oh, it’ll only be a second,” Newt says dismissively. “Make quick work of him for me, ‘kay? But keep the samples clean. I don’t want to see any bruising.”

“You got it.” Lightcap gives him a two-finger salute. “See you on the other side, Geiszler.”

She heads into the conn-pod with D’Onofrio at her side. 

Newt knows that every time a ranger heads out, there’s always the chance it’ll be the last time he sees them.

But it still comes as a punch to the gut when the viewscreens show the fight go bad. 

It starts with the legs. Thunderhead catches Brawler Yukon in the knee, and it’s thrown off balance. Its arms pinwheel for a moment too long, just long enough for the kaiju’s claws to dig into its side. The intercom channels are still open. Newt hears Lightcap scream.

They deploy a second jaeger, but it’s too late. The tide has shifted.

Lightcap’s voice is ragged as she radios in. Newt can hear her pain, almost feel it, a physical burn in his chest.

He turns and walks out. He doesn’t want to see the end. 

There’s a funeral service held that evening. There’s no wake, no ceremony, nothing fancy. It’s small and rushed and not nearly what she deserves, because the world is still ending, and there’s no time to cry over the individual losses that come as a side effect. Or at least, that’s what Newt assumes it’s like. He doesn’t actually go to the service. Instead, he sits in his room and breaks out the handle of Svedka he’s been saving under his bed for a special occasion. 

That’s a lie. He’s been saving it for this exact purpose: badly coping with the inevitable death of a loved one. His foresight is good enough to know that there won’t be any celebrations worth drinking over for a long time. 

About halfway through the service—not that Newt is watching the clock—there’s a knock on his door. Three sharp beats. He sighs, takes another swig of vodka, and opens it. 

Mako stands in front of him with tears streaming down her face. Tendo is hanging behind her, his mouth pressed into a tight line. 

“We have to play,” Mako says. It’s only then that Newt notices her dice pouch clutched in her hands.

“Aw, kiddo,” he says. “I don’t know if that’s… I mean, think of the party balance. We’re all so squishy.” Lightcap was their tank. Without her, they’ll be fucked in combat. And three players makes for an uncomfortably small group, anyway. 

“I don’t care,” Mako says tearfully. “I want to. She would want us to.”

Objectively, this is a terrible idea. There’s a certain mindset that makes for good D&D playing, and none of them are in it right now. They’re unfocused, upset, and in Newt’s case, mildly intoxicated, which means that a session will undoubtedly end with multiple mental breakdowns. 

But it’s not like Newt’s not having one anyway, so what the hell. 

“Let me get my dice,” he says. 

They gather in the lab, and Tendo sets up his DM shield. “I have absolutely nothing written for this, I hope you know,” he says. “But we can improvise. I think I… I’ve got something that might work.”

When they left off, the party had been resting in the region’s capital city. Their intention was to keep traveling to the next city in search of the governor, who was under the control of a mindflayer, but when they wake, something is missing.

“Chihiro, you realize that, where Grendel had been sleeping on the floor next to you last night, there is now an empty space,” says Tendo. 

Mako presses her hands over her eyes and inhales deeply.

_Chihiro slips out of bed and lays a hand on the ground. The wood is cold beneath her fingers. “Johann!” she hisses. “Wake up! Grendel is gone!”_

_Johann sits up at once. “Where could he have gone?”_

_”He’s probably outside taking a piss,” Dominic groans, his face buried in a pillow. “Go back to sleep.”_

_Chihiro approaches the door. At first glance, all appears well, but upon further inspection, she finds a dent in the wooden frame, as if something large and heavy had scraped against it. She lays one hand on it, and her fingers glow with a warm yellow light. “There is magic here,” she says tensely. “I… I can’t tell what it is, but it was not there before.”_

_Dominic rolls over. “So it was dark and he cast a light spell,” he says, but his voice is uncertain._

_”I do not think he left this place of his own free will,” says Chihiro. “He would have no reason to.”_

_”That we know of,” Johann says._

_Chihiro’s face hardens. “I trust Grendel,” she says. “He would not just leave. Let us ask the staff if they saw anything in the night.”_

_They collect their things, making sure everyone is properly armored, and head downstairs. Speaking with the halfling at the front desk yields little information of use, except…_

_”What is that?” Dominic says abruptly, looking across the room. Something glints from the carpet. He walks over and scoops it up. It’s a bronze amulet, emblazoned with an emblem that he recognizes. “Oh fuck,” he says. “Guys, do you remember when Grendel cut a deal with those cultists for a protection spell?” He holds up the amulet, letting it dangle from his fist. “I think they came to collect.”_

And so they find themselves on a mission. A rescue mission, possibly. But only their characters believe in the hope of saving their friend. Mako keeps them positive, reassuring them that everything will be okay, that they’ll win this fight. Hermann is more pessimistic. He knew this would happen all along.

Hearing them talk makes Newt want to cry every single time, but Dominic’s not worried, so Newt doesn’t. 

They do not find Grendel’s body. Only his armor, cast aside, with deep cuts scored into it. 

_”I don’t understand,” Chihiro says shakily, kneeling before it. “It was so sudden, I—I didn’t think they would come for him like this. Out of nowhere. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”_

_”We knew something like this would happen,” Johann says. As stoic as he is, there is a deep grief beneath his words. A dignified mourning. “All we can do is thank him.”_

_”Bullshit,” Dominic cuts in, surprising even himself. “It didn’t have to be like this, we should’ve stopped it. He made a stupid fucking decision and we should’ve stopped him.” He draws the knife from his thigh sheath. “I saw we find those hooded freaks and make them pay.”_

_”Grendel was aware of the consequences of his actions,” Johann cuts him off. “It was not an impulsive or a naive choice on his part. His wish was to keep us safe, no matter the cost. Don’t go wasting his sacrifice now.”_

_”Fuck you,” Dominic snarls. “What do you know about sacrifice? You’ve never been on the front lines, you’re a healer! That’s your job, just fix people after they hurt themselves for you. You don’t know what it’s like to be the one hurting, and you don’t know Grendel, not like I did!”_

_”Please stop,” Chihiro says, her eyes welling up with tears. “He wouldn’t have wanted—”_

_”Who gives a shit what she would have wanted? She’s_ dead _.”_

Newt and Mako are both crying. 

Newt scrubs a hand across his face. “God, Tendo, you are one sick bastard,” he says thickly. “Why the hell did you think this was a good idea to put in the campaign?”

Tendo is quiet. 

“She deserved for somebody to mourn her for real,” he says. “Even if none of _us_ are able to right now.”

Hermann gives Newt’s shoulder an awkward pat. Newt shudders.

The air in the lab is muted, and the sound of his muffled sobs fills the space between them like a secret, held close.

***

They keep playing after that, but not for long. Three-person parties are manageable, but it’s never just the three of them. Lightcap’s ghost hangs over them. No one sits at her side of the table, and sometimes, Newt can almost hear her laughter, her signature crow of triumph after rolling a crit.

It’s just not the same.

It takes them about a year to fully drop off. It’s not intentional; they don’t announce it or anything. But the kaiju attacks are getting stronger and more frequent, everyone is busy, and tensions are high. Their sessions are postponed, postponed again, cancelled, and forgotten.

It’s been four months since their last game when Newt gets a knock on his door. Three sharp beats. 

He’s filled with a vague sense of deja vu, and a bit of nausea. 

He opens it, and Mako is standing there. She holds her chin up high, her jaw set, like a soldier, or a parent about to deliver a lecture. “Now, listen here,” Newt can picture her saying. 

“I got my acceptance letter today,” is what she says instead. “I’m going to Kodiak Island. I’m enlisting.”

Newt freezes.

No. No, no, no. Mako’s wanted to be a ranger ever since she was a little kid, she was always hanging off Pentecost and begging for him to let her go, but he always refused. He had every reason to refuse. Mako’s too obsessed with revenge, and beyond that, she’s Pentecost’s kid, for Christ’s sake, she’s _Mako_. Why would he let her go?

“Do not try to stop me,” says Mako. “This is what I have been training for my entire life. I just wanted to let you know before I leave.”

“Wh—” Newt stops to clear his throat. “When are you going?”

“Tomorrow.”

Newt retreats back into his room and sinks down onto his bed. Mako holds the door open. Newt searches her expression for any trace of regret, but there’s nothing. Just that same steely resolve. 

She knows what she’s signing up for—or, she thinks she knows. And Newt can’t stop her. If Mako’s made up her mind, and Pentecost’s given her the okay, there is absolutely nothing on this earth that Newt can do to stop her now.

He never should’ve let her take Lightcap as a role model. 

Newt pushes up his glasses and rubs at his eyes. “Well,” he says. “Should we call Tendo, then?”

Mako looks confused. “Why?”

“For your send-off, of course. One last session. It’s traditional, isn’t it?” 

Mako looks away.

“I do not think that would be a good idea,” she says quietly. 

Newt stares.

“I have to pack,” Mako says. “I am glad I got to see you before I left.” She starts to let the door swing shut, but catches it, hesitating for a moment. “You… take care of yourself, Newt. Goodbye.”

She closes the door before Newt can reply. 

Newt lets the echo of her presence fade before he turns around and punches his pillow.

***

Things get easier after the world doesn’t end. New lives are begun. New rules are made. But in some cases, the old rules are still relevant.

For example: Newt has some very strict rules about who he plays D&D with. The first and foremost is _no cishets allowed_ , with the added note of _especially not cishet men._ The first time Mako asks to bring Raleigh into a session, it’s a flat-out no. Raleigh’s a _jock_ , for fuck’s sake. It just wouldn’t work.

But then Mako points out that she is also a jock, and Raleigh is bi, so after that Newt doesn’t have any more excuses.

“Spare dice, anyone?” Newt asks, throwing out random handfuls of his dice collection onto the table. Raleigh picks one up and examines it closely. 

He leans over to Mako. “So is this the d8?”

“No,” Mako says patiently. “That’s a d12. Here.” She picks out a full set for him and places them in front of him. Newt decides not to mention that half of those dice have probably been in his mouth before, because they’re glittery and he’s impulsive. 

Tendo claps in a rhythm, and everyone except Raleigh drops what they’re doing to clap after him. “Okay, gang,” says Tendo. “Does everyone have a character?”

Everyone nods. Raleigh is already set up, thank God. Tendo motions to him. “You want to introduce yourself first?”

Raleigh flips up his character sheet and begins to read off it. “Okay, my dude is a dwarf fighter named Avery Bloodborne.” Newt snickers, and Raleigh gives him a look. “What?”

“Bloodborne, dude, seriously?”

“What’s wrong with that name?” Raleigh asks. 

“I dunno, don’t you think it’s a little…” Newt searches for the right word. “Contrived? Unrealistic?”

“Unrealis—dude, it’s a fantasy game,” Raleigh says, exasperated. “What’s _your_ character’s name?”

“Ezekiel Shadeslayer,” says Newt. 

“He is an elf bard,” Hermann informs them. “Even though we have previously had an explicit discussion about the bard ban.”

“Newt,” Tendo says, putting his face in his hands. “The bard ban, dude, I thought we agreed—”

“He’s not even a tiefling!” Newt says defensively. “He’s just an elf! Do you have something against sexy elves?”

“My last character was a sexy elf,” Mako whispers to Raleigh.

“Oh, Jesus, this is just gonna be one huge clusterfuck, isn’t it?” Tendo says, looking up to the ceiling. “Give me the strength. Okay, people, forget the introductions, we’re doing this as we go. Get out your dice and for the love of God, have your voice picked out before you start speaking. Let’s do this.”

The music clicks on, and the game begins.

**Author's Note:**

> follow my [pacrim blog](kscientific.tumblr.com) if ya want


End file.
